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Name: June
Location: Australia
Birthday: 7/23/1986
Gender: Female


Interests: being a little bit of a hedonistic brat.
Expertise: turning sleeping into an art form; napping more than once a day; happily planting myself in front of any tv screen; pummelling things with my hockey stick; consuming large amounts of msg. i'm a varied girl, i am.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other


Message: message me


Member Since: 12/26/2002

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Sunday, May 02, 2010

The Telemarketer is sometimes full of shit.

Yes, it is true.

And no, it was not because they were verrry strongly accented.

They were just annoying as hell.

Don't get me wrong, I gave him a chance! I stayed on the phone with him for a full 6 minutes (I think). This happened a few hours ago, so the conversation below may be a little bit improvised, but it went something like this:

*ring ring*
*hobbles over to the phone*

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer (Patrick - see, I even remembered his name!): Good day Ma'am (MA'AM?! SERIOUSLY?!), my name is Patrick from Bargain something or other, I'm pleased to inform you that your landline number has been selected to receive 14 nights of free accommodation from a list of 5 star hotels!

Me: Sorry, where are you calling from again?

Patrick: Bargain something or other.

Me: Okay...

Patrick: Now this operates on a voucher system, whereby you can redeem 14 nights worth of free accommodation from a list of 495 (maybe) five star hotels! These vouchers are transferable, and you can choose to use them all up in one go, or use up 5 days here, another couple days there. All you have to do, is purchase two meals from the hotel you are staying at!

Me: Right...

Patrick (really starts to run away with the conversation now): Can I also interest you in another fantastic offer? For just $209, you can get 20 days worth of accommodation from a list of five star hotels! (Could it be one and the same......) Now, are you planning on holidaying with your partner or your friends?

Me: Well actually I just wanted to ask, how is it that you are offering so many days worth of accommodation free from these five star hotels? I mean, 14 days is a lot of money.

Patrick: Yes Ma'am, well it's actually 20 days. (completely evading any sort of explanation as to how I'm getting these for 'free' anyway)

Me: And that'll cost me $209?

Patrick: Yes Ma'am, nothing is for free.

Me (this is where I start to get antsy): Yes, I know that, but I did not ask you to call me. You mentioned earlier that it was free, but now it's going to cost me $209. I'm sorry, but if it's going to cost me any money I'm not going to be interested. (not that I'm a cheapskate or anything).

Patrick: Okay, may I ask why that is?

Me: Well honestly, I don't have that much time to take off from work, and I don't really have $209 to spend willy nilly (on strange telephone calls) at the moment. So those would be the main reasons why.

Patrick: Oh I'm soo sorry to hear that Ma'am, but you can choose to use up some days here, some days there.

Me: Yes, and as I said earlier, if I have to pay, then I'm not going to be interested.

Patrick: May I ask the reason why? (OH MY GOD, JUST GIVE UP ALREADY).

Me: I just told you why. I've already said I'm not interested, and I appreciate the offer, but if you refuse to accept that, I'm going to hang up on you. Okay? I will hang up on you.

Patrick: ....OkayMa'amthanksforyourtimeandpatiencebye.

I'm reminded of one of those horror, slash and gore movies, where you think the bad guy is finally dead after he's been shot at point blank several times/stabbed fatally with a kitchen knife/had his arm hacked off with his own chainsaw that he carelessly/fortunately lost control of, but isn't really.

I'm sure you can draw the similarities. 


Saturday, December 06, 2008

The customer is sometimes full of shit.

Ever heard the saying 'the customer is always right'? Whoever came up with that stupid adage obviously didn't work in retail. Although today was my last day as a checkout chick (perhaps) and that I should probably write something that's positive and optimistic, I've decided instead to write something that's colourful, maybe a little bit bitter, but altogether honest. I remember most of the customers who were assholes to me, or just assholes in general. Maybe they were having a bad day. Maybe their dog died. Maybe they got dumped. Whatever, I don't really care if the first thing you play is the 'dickhead' card.

Top 5 list of irritated checkout chicks:

5. After scanning everything, they decide they don't want something that was the very first thing I scanned, hence the necessity to erase everything and start scanning all over again. And then they decide they don't want something else.

4.Asking 'how much is that? It's supposed to be on special' after every item is scanned. It's on the screen, people!

3.People who think the EFTPOS/credit card machine breaking down is somehow my fault and hold it against me for its malfunction. Right, because I told the machine to break. For kicks.

2.People who give attitude when asked to check their bags:

For example -
Buffoon #1: 'Oh yeah, I steal HEAPS of shit.' And you are so eloquent while being a thieving twat!
Buffoon #2: 'Are you customs? If you're not customs, you're not allowed to check my bag.' See that bright red sign there? That 'Conditions of Entry' sign? Yeah. That one. It says I can check your bag the minute your foot steps inside the store. Learn how to read.

1. DO NOT THROW YOUR MONEY AT ME. Learn some manners, please!

I haven't come across a customer who has performed all 5 of these atrocities. I hope such a fiend doesn't exist, for the sake of checkout chicks everywhere.

You know, now that you've got me started, there are probably more. I could probably make a top 7 list or a top 9 list. 10's kind of pushing it and it'll make me look misanthropic. Which I'm not. Because there are some really nice customers who strike a much needed balance in the world of checkout chick-dom. I would say ratio's about 30:50:20 (nice ones:normal ones:assholes). And most of the time, the kids are cute.

So next time you're in the supermarket, spare a thought for the poor person on the other side of the counter who endures countless abuse from angry people everywhere. Unless they give you 'tude first. Then feel free to hand it back with a side of 'bitch'. Because that's what I would be tempted to do.


Friday, October 31, 2008

Winner Takes it All

I feel like I'm at one of those rare places in life where you have all these choices laid out for you, like a deck of cards, and all you have to do is choose. Just pick a card. Any card. But I'm stuck. I don't know what choice to make. I want to make the right one, but I don't know if I will or not. Will I win?

How many times do we say 'I don't know' in our lives? How many times is its importance rippled? This is one of those times, isn't it. I look at everyone around me, and everyone seems to know what to do with their lives. I want to be one of those people. I'm just not quite sure how. And I think I know what I want to do. But I also don't know how to get there. My map has been smudged in the rain.

And how do you know which people will play the keystones in your life? How do you know if you haven't been running with a lamb who has been a wolf all this time? Or perhaps shunning a wolf who is really a lamb? Instinct tells me to take a chance on people, that all it takes is an outstretched arm to get to that next bough. But it feels so far away. And maybe, I'm a little bit afraid.
 


Friday, August 15, 2008

Remember when...

It often amazes me how good my mum's memory is. It's freakishly good. For example, she can remember the exact day she left for London something like 30 years ago. Like it's another child's birthday or something. She even remembers my friends' birthdays, and even then, it was only because I said 'I'm going to so and so's party, his/her birthday's today.' I'm notoriously bad at remembering birthdays, and I apologise, and will continue to apologise for this for the rest of my life. SORRY! I often wonder why her superpower wasn't passed on to me. In fact, I think the opposite effect happened. My mum's memory is so good, that to make up for having 'remembering skills' in excess, whoever decides these things up there decided to shortchange me. I mean I'm pretty thankful that I do have some semblance of short term and long term memory, but I do often wonder where all those things that I used to know in my head went.

Case in point #1: (something I'm pretty sure won't shock many) I'm really horrendously bad at maths. This includes forgetting an embarassing amount of times tables that my dad tried to knock into me so hard when I was at that crucial age when learning maths was compulsory. (I know, when?)

Case in point #2: I've forgotten stuff I learnt in 1st year uni. I can say I've read and been examined on texts like Hero & Leander, Heart of Darkness, and The Red Badge of Courage, and yet, I remember shockingly little from them. I remember liking Hero and Leander too. I guess liking something isn't a prerequisite for remembering its contents. 

Case in point #3: I watched this French film last semester called Human Resources. Comfortingly, I do remember what it's about in pretty good detail, BUT, not very comfortingly, I can't remember the director's name. I mean, I wrote part of a 3000 word, 60% essay on this. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE. The only explanation is that my memory is abnormally bad. My track record for my lousy memory never ceases to disappoint and amaze. After referring to the wonder that is google, my memory has been refreshed. That guy's name is Laurent Cantet.

I'm pretty sure I could move on to Case in point #very large number, but I think I've embarassed myself enough for one night.

I bid you all adieu, until my next moment of self deprecation.


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Dear Friend,

I was reading a book the other day, where one of the protagonists has some sort of obsession with handwriting. Of course, this obsession with handwriting was a convenient avenue for plot development, but besides that, I found it a rather intriguing thought. I admit I'm one of those people who find sentimental value in things, oftentimes giving others the impression that I never throw anything away. Wrong! I throw away that which doesn't mean anything to me. But, like this sap I was reading about a few days ago, I keep a box of handwritten articles because to me, they are more than just words. They are the thoughts, the feelings, the memories of those people who wrote them, and I find it a privilege that they chose to share them with me.

In a world where technology reigns, where it is easier and faster to use a machine to express yourself (as, ironically, I am doing now) the act of writing something down is expression in one of its purest forms. Your handwriting is thus your own, irreproducible stamp, something no one else can recreate with their own hand, just as you cannot recreate theirs. Perhaps there is something comforting in the thought that in our society, where it is so easy to look and to act like everyone else, something as simple as your own handwriting can provide some sort of  a marker of identity, of being the only one of its kind in the world. Handwriting adds authenticity, conviction to words. What are left of words without the life in them? They cease to be meaningful, but remain only as empty vessels. Think about every letter, every postcard, every birthday card, every hasty note ever written to you. What would they be if they were all in Times New Roman? How much character would they have left? A lot less than if they were in someone's chicken scratches, or neat print, or haphazard scrawl.

So even if I don't talk to that person anymore, or if I happen to see them everyday, I still keep those little bits of paper, those hints of personality. But always, they stay as reminders of my connection to other people in this world.



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